They’re actually moustaches.

I once was in sorrow and tears
Because I was jilted, you know,
So right down to the river I ran
To quickly dispose of my woe.
A good friend, he gave me advice,
And timely prevented the splash:
Now at home I’ve a wife and ten heirs,
And all through a handsome moustache!
A moustache, a moustache,
And all through a handsome moustache.

— Stephen Foster, 1864

And another.

They have a hierarchy.

Ever since I first read the DVZine, an online comic about the Dvorak keyboard layout, I’ve been meaning to make the switch.  Patented by August Dvorak in 1936, the Dvorak Simplified Keyboard is based on research and logic, rather than designed as a kludge to prevent jamming on primitive typewriters (QWERTY, I’m looking at you!).  With Dvorak, 70% of your keystrokes are on the home row, as opposed to a mere 31% on the completely random Sholes-QWERTY layout.  This makes Dvorak easier on a typist’s hands and ultimately allows you to type faster and more accurately—important for someone like me, who types a ridiculous lot.

But I’m a lazy bum, so for the past three years I’ve been a Dvorak advocate who can’t even use the thing.  My younger brother recently mastered it, however, and is now forcing me to put my fingers where my mouth is and— . . . excuse me, gotta go suck my thumb.

. . . Okay, back!  Anyway, I’ve decided it’s now or never, and have made a resolution: Henceforward,¹ I shall type all posts on this site in Dvorak, even if it kills me.  And it just might—while you can learn Dvorak faster than you can QWERTY, even as a second layout, it does take time.  Meanwhile, I look like a finger-pecking Mavis Beacon middle-schooler again—this post has taken me over an hour to type.  But I feel faster already!

1. An odd word, henceforward.  A word whose interpretation has even sparked controversy in the Hare Krishna movement.  Weird, the things you find on the internet, no? [↩]

Maybe you’ve already seen this.  Maybe not.  Either way, you need to watch this music video of Oren Lavie’s Her Morning Elegance . . . ex-cellent live-action stop-motion!

Because the Pep is back, exactly a year after first registering the domain name!  Symbolic, no? . . . no? Er . . . yeah.

But symbolism aside (or else inextricably included), there’s many good things in store.  Beginning with this! In keeping with the site’s first resurrection, here’s a second helping of our own special brand of multimedia experience—

Listen to The Wall Street Shuffle by the not-well-enough-known British rock band 10cc while reading this strip from the darkly funny webcomic Pictures for Sad Children:

Then, for the irony, play Investopedia’s online stock simulator at the same time!